'Capacity' is what we humans can contain + perform + yield + withstand. Picture your favorite coffee mug, water bottle, wine glass ... whatever brings you joy. All of them have a distinct capacity. What happens when you fill them beyond their capacity? You have yourself A BIG OL' MESS!
We have to make a special effort to watch out for 'system overload' on behalf of our children with developmental disabilities. Being 'at capacity' is much more common in the disability community because so much of life - especially at school - is simply not calibrated for their innate capacities. At some point, most grade-level expectations and task demands will exceed the capacity of our children. Cue the need for IEPs and 504s! But the support can't end there.
So what else can we do?
We can make sure that the demands coming from the child's environment, be they from sensory input, academic tasks, behavior expectations, or emotional vibes, are within the child's capacity.
This is hard, in real life. It's not as simple as "stop pouring" -- there are so many variables. You are not the only person pouring into your child's cup. But you ARE the one arranging their life so they can contain and manage what they are given. (I love to help with this, of course!)
With Camille, our fourteen year-old who has Down syndrome, we've had to take extreme measures over the years to make sure her daily input and demands don't exceed her intellectual and emotional capacities. While we've been guilty of using the word 'bubble' to describe her narrowed world, she is actually living her best life now - and it's so much better than a bubble! But my husband and I still feel the weight of arranging things so that she remains at (or below) capacity and rarely pushed beyond, as she moves through school and the larger world outside.
Modern life can make finding this balance uniquely challenging, and sometimes sad, for parents. There's a relentless pull in our society toward entertainment, amusement, involvement... meanwhile, our children are not always up for it. Sometimes they are never up for it. Thankfully, there's also a cultivated awareness of their needs in modern life and we have many more appropriate options than we did in decades past.
Keep your eye (and your heart!) on your child's capacity. You will always see the warning signs, the red flags, when they are nearing the perilous edge of containment. By the same token, nobody wants half a cup of coffee; our children deserve to receive our highest and best expectations and encouragement as they work toward their full potential. Sensing where that line is takes time, patience, and empathy. Not easy but worth the effort, for sure.
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